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The Free App Store Review XIX: Lost in the Parking Lot of Life

by Eric March on September 27, 2008 at 12:25 am



Yep. We’re back again. Frapstr celebrated its 18th by getting smashed off its face and ending up two miles out in the Nevada desert with no memory of the preceeding events, and the only clues being an empty bottle of MD 20/20 in one hand, a rider’s crop in the other, and the words “APP STORE 4EVA” tattooed on its left buttock.  (Don’t ask how it made that discovery.)  Somehow it has managed to recover its equilibrium somewhat and is now back to bring you another helping of App Store goodies, and some not-so-goodies.  I’ve been on vacation this week, and while a great deal of my time has been spent on iPhone-related projects, plus today happens to be my birthday (though I’m a fair bit older than 18).  Still, I’ve managed to get in a few posts here and there and am now going to get this thing done so we don’t go longer than a week without a review.  So let’s just get on with that.

Oh, and there was a ball gag, but let’s not dwell on that any further.

 

Take Me To My Car
App name: Take Me To My Car
Developer: Eldar Sadikov
Category: Navigation
Is that really a Russian name?  Eldar?  It sounds like the alien antagonist in a 50s Ed Wood sci-fi flick.  But anyway, I’m sure many of you have parked in gigantic mall parking lots that have to be marked off in sections, sub-sections, regions and districts to make it easier to remember where you left your car, even though nobody in the world has ever paid attention to them, because invariably a not-insignificant percentage of them come out a different exit than the one they entered through and ask, “Wait, where the hell did we park?”  Take Me To Your Leader My Car (said Eldar in a dramatic faux-alien voice) is a simple app that makes use of the iPhone 3G’s AGPS and lets you simply tap to mark your location when you park at the extreme south end.  When you’re done shopping and you leave through the west exits and are suddenly stricken with panic amongst a sea of cars because you have absolutely no idea where you are in relation to yours, just pull out Take Me To My Car, and it’ll plot a course you can follow that’s a hell of a lot easier to remember than “Section F, Sub-section 4, Southampton, Mansbridge.”

 

LOLdogs Free
App name: LOLdogs Free
Developer: GreenRobot LLC
Category: Entertainment
I suppose it was inevitable.  GreenRobot, makers of the LOLcats app, have gone and given the canines equal billing by making an image macro aggregator just for them.  This free version is ad-supported, and the full version costs a buck. Yeah, you could just visit I Has a Hot Dog, but at least with this app you can save favourites and browse them whenever you like, or save them to your photo album.  I suppose that counts for something.

 

LOLdogs
App name: LOLdogs
Developer: LOLriffic Stuff
Category: Entertainment
Whoa.  It’s deja-vu all over again.  Yes, it’s another LOLdogs app, except this one is free with no ads.  It pretty much does everything the above app does, so there’s on need to rehash what little there is to tell.  I find it amusing that this comes out the day after the above one (just released at the time of this writing, showed up as I wrote the stuff below).  It looks like absurdly-named LOLriffic Stuff is out to make an image macro out of GreenFAILBot.

 

ClockFS
App name: ClockFS
Developer: 1026 Development
Category: Productivity
I don’t know what this has to do with productivity — on the whole, clock watchers tend not to be very productive.  Nevertheless, it’s another full-screen clock with configurable background and foreground colours (10 in all, which makes me wonder why they didn’t just pop up a proper RGB colour picker to let you set your own colours) and 11 completely unnamed fonts, though the screenshots were clearly taken with some horrid Comic Sans style font. Meh.

 

FAIL
App name: GuessNumberGame
Developer: howang.hk
Category: Games
A game so hastily written the developer didn’t even have time to put spaces in its name. Or even really think of a name. Care to take a guess as to what this game is about?  Go on, I’ll give you 6 chances, just like this game does.  If you guessed, “WHY GOD, WHY??” then you are absolutely correct!  Now shove your hand in my pocket and tell me how many fingers I’m holding up.

 

 

Lightsaber Unleashed
App name: Lightsaber Unleashed
Developer: TheMacBox/Lucasfilm Ltd.
Category: Entertainment
You remember PhoneSaber, don’t you?  Released back at the dawn of the App Store and was ultimaetly pulled by Lucas Arts a month later for infringing on their IP?  Yeah, TheMacBox were eventually tapped by THQ Wireless and LucasArts to retool his app into a bigger, better, badder light saber to be re-released as a shiny new version eventually.  Well, how it’s here, it’s called Lightsaber Unleashed, and it’s a straight up pimp for Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.  Not that this is at all an unexpected turn of events, but it has somehow lost its unique charm (what of it there was) now that it’s just a shill for another iPhone game.  Still, it’s been tarted up quite a bit.  You can choose sabers from one of 5 characters, thrash your iPhone around either activating the on-screen saber or tapping the fullscreen button to turn the entire screen into a little 3 inch light saber of its own (insert obligatory Spaceballs reference here) which flashes briefly whenever it makes “contact.”  You can also turn on Star Wars music so you can swing and parry to a rousing John Williams action piece.  The sound effects used don’t seem all that different, though.  It’s free however, so those of you who were jonesing for your saber fix and can put up with the plug at the beginning, have at it.  May the schwartz be with you.

 

iTip Calc
App name: iTip Calc
Developer: GabCas Industries
Category: Utilities
Here’s something fresh and original: A tip calculator. And by “fresh” I mean “fresh out of ideas,” and by “original” I mean “cheese.”  It has nice icons, at least — but I suppose that’s like saying it has a pretty face while studiously avoiding the topic of intelligence and wit.  Also, the company’s name can be thought of as a spoonerism for “cab gas.”  I don’t know what that means either but it’s more interesting to write about than a tip calculator.

 

 

Lighter
App name: Lighter
Developer: Chillingo Ltd.
Category: Utilities
Here’s something fresh and original: A tip calculator virtual lighter.  And by “fresh” I mean “is that supposed to smell like that?” and by “original” I mean “I really don’t think it’s supposed to smell like that.”  I really thought we were done with crappy virtual lighters, what with iLightr and Sonic Lighter bitch slapping all the other virtual lighters and showing them how it’s supposed to be done.  Oh, but the fabulously originally-titled Lighter gives you three, three, three lighters in one! A Zippo, a skinny Bic-type, and some fancy-shmancy piezo-electric one.  Didn’t see that one coming.  And they’re all hand-drawn for that authentic virtual feel, complete with a looped hand-drawn animation of an eyerbow-singing flame and soft glow to give it that warm idyllic Norman Rockwell feeling, if Norman Rockwell spent his time painting other people’s paintings.  Also, this app is free for the first week!  Free I tell you!  After that, if there’s any justice, they’ll pay you to download it.

 

MOOOriiiiis, time for din din!
App name: Morris
Developer: DSRTech, Inc.
Category: Entertainment
Since we’re humming along nicely with the topic of innovation in absentia, I might as well talk about Morris, too.  It’s yet another Morse code generator.  Here, you can enter entire sentences, or use manual mode to tap out your own.  You might want to brush up on your dots and dashes though.  Should you have sudden need of it, you would probably rather not be frantically tapping out “KELP I AM BRING HELD POSTAGE CALL 411″

 

Love Calc
App name: LoveCalc
Developer: Delicious Morsel
Category: Entertainment
Enter your name and the name of someone you want to bump uglies with get to know better and LoveCalc will perform shamanistic voodoo magic to crunch numbers and consult the Great Gazoo or some crap to tell you if you two are compatible based solely on your name.  I have good news for one Garp Fungible: Your dream girl is named Edna Muscular.  Go get ‘er, tiger!  Delicious Morsel (seriously? No, seriously?) points out that this is for “entertainment purposes only.”  I imagine that if Garp ever finds Edna, there will be much entertainment to be had by both — but not likely very much for anyone who might be watching.

 

PanoLab
App name: PanoLab
Developer: Originate Labs
Category: Photography
Now this is a great idea.  Emphasis on idea.  PanoLab is designed to let you take multiple sequential shots with the built-in camera, or take such sequences already taken with the built-in Camera (or Snapture) and allow you to manually stich them together in panorama shots.  It maps the images onto a virtual sphere and lets you manually position and rotate the images into their proper place to create as seamless a panorama as possible.  On paper this is an awesome idea — one that the iPhone could certainly make excellent use of.  Unfortunately, PanoLab suffers from a complete failure to pull this off with any degree of usefulness.  While it is nice to be able to position and rotate images relative to each other, they are presented on-screen in a rather small form factor.  There’s no way to zoom in while you position, so lining up the seams with any degree of accuracy is utterly impossible.  Furthermore, while the final product can be saved back to your camera roll, the aperture size is as big as one picture, so your final picture will be no larger than the first picture you took. There’s a zoom slider you can use — or could if it worked — that is supposed to let you fit more of the panorama in, but a panorama that’s zoomed out to fit a normal 4:3 image size isn’t a panorama.  It’s a zoomed out picture. What’s the point of a panorama without the pan?  Plus if you zoom out far enough you’ll get wicked barrel distortion — instant fish-eye.  Finally, there’s the taking of the pictures.  PanoLab does let you take pictures within the app, but trying to take panoramas is completely pointless.  Any decent app like this would let you snap off picture after picture without interruption.  In PanoLab, the procedure for just two photos is thus: Tap “+” to add photo.  Select “From camera,” point and shoot, wait for processing, tap “Use photo” (or “retake” and repeat if the shot sucked). Tap “+” to add photo.  Select “From camera,” point and shoot, wait for processing, tap “Use photo,” then position within the virtual sphere. Woe betide if you want to take three photos — you have to line up the second shot first before you can take the third.  So much for taking good panos.  I had high hopes for PanoLab, so my disappointment is palpable.  It is so poorly executed that its usefulness is almost nil.   This comes across as little more than a proof of concept — a cool little toy, but of no practical value.  Hopefully Originate Labs can work on these issues — they have a lot of work ahead of them — because I’d really like to see this fleshed out to a usable degree with a properly intuitive UI that understands how photographers work.  As it stands, it is actively hostile towards shutterbugs.

 

-∞
App name: PsychicMoov
Developer: PachiMon.com
Category: Entertainment
“What will change the world?” asks PachiMon.  “The Internet?  Biotech?”  Uh, the internet already changed the world, but thanks for playing.  Biotech?  Uh, yeah.  Whatever.  His questions are rhetorical though, because he already has the answer: “No.  Only “YOU” will be able to change the world with your Psychic Power.”  Okay, that’s it.  I’ve had it.  -10 points for the use of quotes as an intensifier, -10 again because you already capitalized the word, and -20 for capitalizing the words “psychic power” — unelss Psychic Power is a brand name for fast-acting verbal laxitives.  Also, -5 points for a dumb product name, -20 points for capitalizing “move” in the middle of a sentence, -30 points for both capitalizing and treating “psychokinesis” as two words, -eleventy billion for writing that long and technical description about “measuring your current Psychic[sic] ability as a comparable[?] number” and “unique signal filtering algorithm” with a completely straight face — actually, screw it.  -∞ for the whole lot.  If you’ve noticed by this point that I haven’t actually described what this program does, it’s because my brain can’t filter that much concentrated BS without turning into a steaming pot of effervescent goo.  However, clicking on the link and reading the description yourself might make you nod thoughtfully if your name is Yuri Gellar.  Or if you have a dresser drawer full of artfully arranged tinfoil hats.  Granted, the last bits about improving gas mileage through creating a “gas-psycho kinesis[sic] hybrid” and becoming a superhero make for a closing wink and a nod, but it’s still written as such tripe that I’m not going to forgive it for being aware of its own lake joke.

 

ResistorCode
App name: ResistorCode
Developer: Christopher Brown
Category: Utilities
I do believe this is the fourth resistor calculator I’ve seen.  To its credit though this is probably the second prettiest one — at least it has a nice clean design with a nice representation of a resistor and dynamic colour banding as you scroll through the selections, so points for that at least.  Of the resistor apps out there, this one probably takes it over iResist for a more professional presentation.

 

 

RFcalc
App name: RF Calculator
Developer: 1026 Development
Category: Productivity
From a boring clock app to a calculator aimed at telecom students.  RF Calculator will make it a lot easier to calculate formulas for Freznel Zone, Free Space Path Loss, conversion to/from mW to dBm, Earth Bulge, and Link Budget.  What it can’t do is make me do more than nod and smile as those terms pass clear over my head.

 

 

Soccer Kickoff Lite
App name: Soccer Kickoff Free
Developer: Sputnik Games
Category: Games
If you’ve played classic Flash games like Yeti Sports 5 or Kitten Cannon, then you’ve got an idea of what’s going on here.  Set your angle of attack and power of kick and smack the soccer ball as far as it can go.  Along the way there will be items and obstacles that will help or hinder your ball’s flight.  Not a bad little game, and it’s nice to see this sort of game finally make its appearance here.  This free version is fully functional but ad supported with small ads in the top right.  An ad-free version is available for $2.

 

Invazion Lite
App name: Invazion Lite
Developer: Craig Perera
Category: Games
This is the second free(ish) Space Invaders clone I’ve seen on the App Store.  This one opts to forgo the vintage look in favour of a more modernized approach, replacing the aliens with … rolling frowny-face emoticons.  I suppose it’s meant to be cute, but … well, no.  Controls are decent; slide your thumb or finger along the bottom below the divider line to move, tap anywhere on the screen to fire.  Otherwise, this plays like Space Invaders.  This lite version features only 3 levels and the easy play setting only.  Presumably there will be a full version turning up shortly, but at the moment this is it, so no idea on pricing of the full version yet.

 

21 Pro: Blackjack
App name: 21 Pro: Blackjack Sponsored
Developer: Avalinx LLC
Category: Games
Now here is a Blackjack game.  21 Pro approaches Blackjack from an almost professional angle, with Vegas rules, dealer tips that teach novice players when they should hit, stand, double down, split or surrender — there’s even a card counting tutor which is sure to be a big hit with casinos all along Vegas strip.  A hit with an aluminum bat across your knees, that is, once the pit bosses discover your angle.  Nevertheless, 21 Pro features some pretty snazzy graphics and decent animations supplied by 357am.com, and the gameplay is solid: Split up to 3 times (4 hands), double down, play last bet, full tutorials, tips and tricks on mastering the game, and a plethora of configurable options, including whether the dealer hits on a soft 17, the number of decks in the shoe, when the decks get shuffled, double down rules, selectable tablecloths and card backs, and more.  The app is free but ad-sponsored, with fullscreen ads appearing between games. Frankly though, that’s a small price to pay for a blackjack game this good.  If you like your card games so full of Vegas you can almost hear Wayne Newton belting it out from the lounge, 21 Pro: Blackjack has it all.  If ads aren’t your thing, the full version can be had for $5.

 

Freecell Lite
App name: Freecell Lite
Developer: K.H.-Djalalian
Category: Games
A demo of a pretty lacklustre Freecell game.  Plain-Jane, no-frills graphics and game numbers that correspond to Microsoft Windows’ Freecell. That’s about as much as I care to say about that. The free version lets you play the first 20 game numbers, and you’ll have to shell out $1.99 for the full version.  Thanks, but uh … no.

 

 

Naboko Lite
App name: Naboko Lite (Sokoban)
Developer: GTSystem Software
Category: Games
I’m sure you’re all familiar with the venerable puzzle game Sokoban.  Push boxes on to their designated spots without getting stuck.  Naboko does a pretty decent job of bringing that to the iPhone and Touch with respectable if somewhat simplistic graphics and pretty standard gameplay.  Sokoban is a game that has been done and redone so many times on every platform on Earth in everything from deluxe graphics to plain ASCII text, so expectations for a game like this can run all over the place.  Fortunately, Naboko does it decently enough to be worth checking out.  The full version is a bit dear at $4.99, but your fin gets you a mind-boggling 2,400 levels to play.  That’s not a typo.  Two thousand, four hundred levels.  It’s like GTSystem took every level ever designed for every Sokoban variant out there and stuffed them into this app.  This lite version will limit you to 12, however.  Still, if you’re a Sokoban nut, $5 will score you enough of it to tide you over ’til the 9th iteration of the iPhone comes out.

 

Repeat Lite
App name: Repeat Lite
Developer: Francis Bonnin
Category: Games
There are those who have taken classic, yet ridiculously simplistic gaming concepts to their extremes, like the recent pair of Tic-Tac-Toe games that added network play, indivually themed levels, and more.  I’ve called them as much as extreme overkill because — let’s face it.  Tic-Tac-Toe, man.  Most of us got bored of that before we aged into the double-digits.  This trend is now spilling over into Simon games, and that’s where Repeat comes in.  Repeat takes Simon to its ultimate level by adding multitouch patterns, preset sequences that refresh and can be downloaded each day, options to configure the maximum number of multitouch elements in the patterns — even a local multiplayer variant.  Granted, Simon is a bit more entertaining than Tic-Tac-Toe, and the multitouch aspect does add a new twist, so this is a bit more substantial in its oneupmanship.  At the end of the day though it’s still Simon, which can be entertaining for a while, but I can’t see it as the sort of thing that’s going to have longevity.  But hey, there are plenty of people who are easily amused, so maybe I’m wrong.  This lite version doesn’t let you choose your game mode — the game more you’re allowed to play will change each day, so you take what you’re given.  The full version will set you back a pair of singles.

 

WeightMan
App name: WeightMan
Developer: Katachi Studio
Category: Health & Fitness
A relatively simple weight log that lets you record and keep track of your daily weight.  On the surface it doesn’t look like there’s much to it, but in fact it’s not half bad.  You can enter your height and age and have WeightMan calculate both your body fat percentage and muscle percentage.  You can also see your weight history (up to 100 of your last entries) and even graph your daily progress (or lack thereof) along the way.  It’s a bit Engrishy in spots, but by and large it’s pretty self-explanatory and works quite well.  If you’re going on a diet, or are already on one, this is a good way to keep tabs on how you’re doing.

 

Gaelan Gong
App name: Gaelan Gong
Developer: Ade Barkah
Category: Entertainment
Gaelan wanted a free gong app for the iPhone.  I don’t know who Gaelan is or why he wanted a gong, but Ade went and made him one, so now Gaelan has a free gong app.  It even vibrates.  Good for Gaelan, I hope he’s enjoying his newfound ability to do Chuck Barris impersonations wherever he goes. If Ade can do a fair Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, they’ll make quite a pair.  (Note: Not to be confused with the Falun Gong)

 

Free Word Warp
App name: Free Word Warp
Developer: MobilityWare
Category: Games
The second free Text Twist-like game to turn up in the App Store.  Free Word Warp comes much closer than that other one whose name I’ve already forgotten that didn’t know very many words.  It’s pretty much a direct clone, with each level requiring you to find the 6 letter word to advance. There’s even an option to set the length of each round, in case you find 2 minutes to be a bit too limiting.  The dictionary is pretty extensive — it’s found every word I’ve thrown at it so far, and y’all know I have a vocabulary that is … um … embiggened.  That said, the graphics aren’t much to write home about, there are no animations, and I find that the squares the letters fit into are a bit small to make them easy to target when you want to put a letter back into the jumble.  The game is played exclusively in in portrait mode, which is on the one hand sensible due to the long list of words some mix of letters can contain.  On the other hand it does constrain the actual play area, which is ideally suited to a landscape form factor.  I guess you can’t have it all, can you?  Oh well.  Free Word Warp is ad-supported, and there doesn’t seem to be a paid ad-free version available — not yet, anyway.

 

iDefend Lite
App name: iDefend Lite
Developer: Landolphia
Category: Games
Another Tower Defense game has made its way to the App Store, and unlike its main competition, Mote Massacre, this one has a free downloadable demo, which is cool.  It may not have a few bits of snazzy graphics here and there like Mote-M, but it does seem to take its cue more from one of the Tower Defense variants called Vector TD, so it’s still plenty cool in my books. The graphics are fairly plain, there are only 4 levels to play, and they’re all pretty easy — hence the “lite” moniker — but it’s got your basic Tower Defense gameplay here, and a full version is on the way, though there is no word on pricing yet.  If it’s got enough levels and is relatively cheap — say, under $3, I think this would be worth the dosh.

 

iHandy Coin Flip
App name: iHandy Coin Flip
Developer: iHandySoft Inc.
Category: Entertainment.
-5 points for lame non-sequitorial use of the Apple “i” branding, -10 points for yet another freakin’ coin flipper, but +10 points for the ability to choose from 5 different coins (penny, “nickle” [sic], dime, quarter, dollar — all American), using nice, shiny specimens, the animated flipping action, and accelerometer control that increases flip speed the harder you shake.  So, net -5 points, which is pretty good for the — what, 4th? — example in this genre.  You can also single- or double-tap to flip if shaking isn’t your thing.  Oddly, both of those can be enabled simultaneously.  Otherwise, yeah … coin flipping app.

 

iNeko
App name: iNeko
Developer: MildMannered Industries
Category: Entertainment
An animated quasi-virtual pet based around the Japanese Maneki Neko (Neko being Japanese for “Cat”), known in those circles as the fortune cat or beckoning cat.  (Even if you’re not familiar with Japanese culture you’ve probably seen porcelain sculptures of said cat with one paw raised, some being battery-powered with a paw that waves, and is usually sporting a collar or neckerchief bearing a coin with Kanji symbols that declares it worth a value of ten million ryo).  iNeko is based around a late 80s desktop computer “hack” or desk accessory (nowadays called widgets) simply called Neko that would chase your mouse cursor around the screen as it moved.  It was later ported to numerous other computer platforms and has made appearances all over computers and the interwebs in various forms. iNeko does pretty much the same thing on the iPhone, but since there’s no mouse pointer to chase, he will instead follow your finger around.  Left to himself, he’ll lick his paws, scratch his ears, meow, or ultimately fall asleep, as cats are wont to do.  iNeko can also make use of the accelerometer by making Neko susceptable to gravity as he chases your finger, so tipping the device will simulate a hill which Neko will find more labourious to climb — or faster to descend if that’s the direction your finger is in.  You can also use the multitouch pinch to zoom in and out.  It’s a cute little app for a few minutes, and the retro graphics and spastic two-frame animations are amusing to watch for a shot of nostalgia, but ultimately of course, iNeko is just a wee toy that few are going to pull out more than once in a great while after the novelty wears off.

 

Flossie could kick your ass.
App name: LlamaLight
Developer: Scott Lawrence
Category: Utilities
Just as I thought we were all done with crappy virtual lighters, so too did I think we were done with crappy flashlight apps, and now I am tragically wrong in both cases.  Yeah, so you can tap and drag to change the colour — horizontal for hue, vertical for saturation.  Great.  You can have it keep track of 5 different colours by selecting and tapping, and then have it play through all of the colours like a hokey light synth.  Spiffy.  You can set the tempo through tapping, too.  Keen.  All I need now is a tab of LSD and I’ll be able to trip out to LlamaLight instead of haranguing Scott for writing crap when he should spend more time working on his other, better and most importantly paid apps.  Scott, if you really want to toss out a freebie to the ravening hoardes, for pity’s sake make it something useful — and if it’s derivative and has you saying, “Hey, I can do better than that,” try and really mean it.  Plus, you’ll get featured in the All Knowing, All Seeing, Powerfully Flatulent Frapstr for your genius and cunning — or at least I’ll say moderately flattering things about you that won’t have you referring to me in anatomical terms.  Also, Llamas are Jeff Minter’s thing, yeah?  Get your own ungulate.

 

100Squares Lite
App name: 100Squares Lite
Developer: Pautex
Category: Games
Here’s an odd little one.  100Squares is an abstract puzzle game where the object of the game is to fill at least 80 squares.  Each move requires you to pick a box to tap.  When you do, 8 boxes in a roughly circular pattern will be placed at that location.  You can only make a valid move if the box you tap can position at least one of the 8 boxes surrounding the spot you tapped can be placed; if there are other boxes in the areas they would otherwise occupy, you have to pick another spot where at least one box is able to be placed.  Unfortunately, this description is utterly useless because it really has to be visualized to be understood.  Pautex’s Frenglish doesn’t really help matters any, with statements like, “You can cancel a play many times, but not twice,” and “Warning don’t shake too hard!” despite the fact that there is no indication of what shaking does in the first place.  (For the record, that’s how you “cancel a play many times, but not twice” — which I think actually refers to the fact that there’s only one level of undo.)  It’s an interesting idea, but I can’t decide if maybe it’s just a bit too abstract to be worth ponying up even the paltry $1 that it costs for the full version.  I guess it’s a good thing there’s a demo then, because this is pretty hit or miss material.

 

Alright, I think that just about does it.  I could cover more material here, but frankly most of the rest of it falls squarely into territory that is uniquely uninteresting to write about even for someone like me who tries to cover all of the bases.  It’s either far too niche, or yet another in the vast galaxy of social networking apps that that are now all competing for ever dwindling scraps of chat/microblogging/image sharing pie, or nondescript enough to be neither praiseworthy nor bad enough to pick on. I’ve pretty much given up trying to follow every last freebie out there, both becase of the constantly increasing pace with which they are released, and because many of them make me question why I’m wasting my time with them.  Cherry picking seems to be the way to go.  Mmmm.  Cherries.  Yeah, I cherry pick bad ones, which probably makes you question why I don’t think they’re wasting my time.  They are — but they’re generally bad enough that I can have some fun tearing them to shreds for doing so.  That, at least, gives me a few jollies, which in itself makes them worth my time.  This is the part where I get referred to in anatomical terms.

And with that bit of monologuing, Frapstr has left the building.



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2 Responses to “The Free App Store Review XIX: Lost in the Parking Lot of Life”

  1. Ollie said:

    I’m sorry… My comment has to do with your choice of verbiage in many of your articles. It is very difficult for me to condone ANY website or person who so freely uses profane language.

    I have decided to not visit your site any longer, and that is really sad for me, because I really enjoyed your articles, (expletives deleted). But the sting of your profanities has turned me off. (literally!)

    I don’t consider myself a zealot or a holy roller. I am not a Pastor or clergy. I am just someone who is refusing to accept profane thoughts and words to deteriorate what I personally believe is uncouth and unnecessary.

  2. Eric March said:

    I’m not sure where you’re seeing profanity more significant than “hell” or “damn” or “ass” in this or any of my articles, but I’m sorry to hear that. We try and maintain a relatively clean image here, but we’re not particularly interested in appearing so clean we’d make Ned Flanders jealous, either. We’re just average folk talking casually as average folk tend to do. That’s the sort of people we are and, on the whole, that’s the sort of people our readers are.

    I think you can understand when I say that it makes a lot more sense to tend to the wants and needs of the majority than bend to the wagging finger of one who disapproves.

    Plus, a statistically significant portion of what I write in my reviews is uncouth and unnecessary anyway — that’s part of its charm, I think — so I’m not sure why it took 19 issues to complain about it.

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